Brittany's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] Brittany [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

life is unfair [ July 20th,12:13]

[ May 10th,11:59] LOVE IT

[ May 17th,11:02] all the things i've been looking forward to keep getting messed up.

[ May 15th,11:48] i'm going to stop being so negative. i'm going to stop complaining. i'm going to stop missing things from the past. i'm going to be happy with the present, and stop worrying about the future. i'm also going to start eating better, and continue reading lots of good books. summer is pretty much here, and i need it to be a good few months.

[ May 6th,1:51] + morning bike rides + clean sheets + ace of cakes + stephen! + summer plans + girl talks with katie + gossip girl + making lists + polaroids + cereal + my hair is growing + cool classes at valencia + new purse + rearranged room + manchester orchestra + busch gardens - no job/no income - over-thinking - gas prices - restless nights - hot weather

[ March 25th,10:11] !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ March 16th,10:48] god, the girls in this town make me want to pull out my hair. YOU ARE ALL SO FUCKING ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!!! not you, lauren. or natalie.

[ March 13th,1:37] while i was in college i gave myself a limit of 200 dollars a month. that way i wouldnt go crazy with clothes and eating out. well, since being back in naples i havent really done that. i decided i needed to for march; in order to keep my savings in check. on february 29th i took 200 bucks out of my savings and placed it in my checking. today, march 13th (half way through), i have 3.40 left in my account. i still have half the month to go. shit!

[ March 9th,9:18] i really dislike my brother...like, a lot. he's everything i hate about the human race packed into one 16 year old boy.

[ March 8th,9:33] fuuuuccckkkk, i hate my hair. its been so ugly lately. seeing as that's the only thing i have to complain about, life is very good. i went to orlando very spur of the moment thursday night. hunter and i drove up, and surprised chris once the gang got out of club firestone. i want to work as much as possible this month. i feel like i'm doing a shitty job at saving. i cant wait to move to orlando. spending the weekend up there made me extremely excited about the move. the roommate situation is still pretty up in the air, which is bothering me, but whatev. i'm going to take some classes over the summer, and then i should be ready for cool, artsy stuff at valencia. hm. what else has been going on? geez, i dont know. girls are annoying. and yes, i know i am a girl....but man! what's with all these sluts? when did it become okay for girls to act in such a manner? i've obviously (thank god) missed the memo. it seems as though girls are just asking to be used, and then sitting around complaining about it once things are all said and done. i was so tired earlier, and now i'm wide awake.

[ March 3rd,2:11] i cant wait for my hair to look like this again.

[ March 3rd,12:36] tonight i went on a bike ride with hunter, brad and kelley. we rode around and visited friends. everyone but morgan and tommy were sleeping. it was only like, 10 o'clock. kids these days...sheesh. kelley and i got hungry so we went to cici's to see if they would give us left over pizza. they had already thrown it away, so kelley wanted to check out the dumpsters. no luck with pizza, but we found a whole trash bag full of donuts that had been tossed an hour or so before. although it was a little gross to think about, there really was nothing wrong with them. we rode off with the entire bag, and met back up with hunter and brad. its amazing how much food is wasted every night. now im home and completely exhausted. my little legs feel like jello. i had a nice comment from charlotte waiting for me on my myspace, which made me remember the old days. its seems like we were best friends so long ago. ive changed, and grown so much.

[ March 2nd,1:24] i feel so amazing right now. i told john everything ive ever wanted to say. it was the perfect mix of "im a nice, caring girl" and "fuck you, you broke my heart. dont you dare think im going to put up with your shit" no more tears will be shed for him and he knows it! hes freaking out because he knows im okay, and he isnt. he no longer has a hold of my emotions, and it feels great. he tried so hard to upset me, and with every attack i proved to him that i'm the better person. alright im done. sleep is needed!

[ February 29th,7:46] blaahh, why am i awake? this is annoying. tampa tonight with natalie...i think.

[ February 27th,12:11] Whenever you would push my limits and you'd pretend to-- or maybe you really did-- forget that I exist, I tried to figure out what it is about me that made you refuse to love me. Was it a physical flaw? The scar on my elbow and my bony limbs I'm sure are enough to make any man run the other way. Was it a mental problem? I never thought caring was considered an illness. I peel away every layer of my being trying desperately to find the reason, and I never stop and think, maybe I'm not the fool. You were. --Katie Lord<3 february is coming to a close, and i have to say, overall, this was a good month. there were some rough nights, but that was expected. im ready for march and looking forward to april. i'll be turning 19, and with that will come a new start to the year. since 2008 started off so poorly, i gave myself the first three months to be sad and deal. i have a crush. i dont think anything will come of it.....but maybe. work has sucked lately. i dont feel like they notice any of the good things i do. ill work my ass off, be super tired by closing, and the managers will come at me with all these things i did wrong (i dont lock my locker). i always work fridays, saturdays and sundays which blows because i cant hang out with lauren as much. im going to orlando next weekend. im really excited. its going to be my mini spring break.

[ February 24th,11:43] i wish i could just stop thinking about you. i wish the past year and half didnt mean as much to me as it does. i wish i could meet people who dont know you. i wish i could just erase you, at least for now. i wish james mcavoy would fall madly in love with me. day off tomorrow, work and open mic tuesday, st pete with krista wednesday, come home thursday, work friday and saturday.

things are looking up [ February 18th,10:25] +making new friends +becoming closer with old friends +making lots of money +keeping busy +no country for old men, step up 2, across the universe +becoming happy again +getting use to not having john in my life +about to send in my ringling portfolio +march 6th = justice in orlando +april 9th = my 19th birthday +chocalate +ice cream +project runway +my parents +new clothes +hair is growing! -didnt get into UCF -still think about john -need more money to travel

[ February 4th,10:33] the worst part about this whole break-up is the fact that john went from my boyfriend, and the person i was in love with, to a stranger in a matter of weeks. we dont talk anymore. he has his life....i have mine. its really the only thing that makes me sad. even worse, is the fact that this is how it has to be. it makes me so angry that i have to cut him out of my life, because of a decision he made. i didnt want this at all. i want to be with him, but i cant, so we cant be anything. in happier news! i really am doing a whole lot better. today was very productive, and i feel awesome knowing that i got shit done. my job rocks. working with carly rocks. having great friends rocks. my hair is growing. i love my parents, and if anything good has come out of john and i's break-up it is that we are a lot closer. i dont know why im using the word "rocks" so much. im reading over my entry, and i cant help but think how annoying that word is. fuck valentines day and all the cell phone and jewerlry commercials out there trying to make me feel like crap. it wont work! .....yea it will.

[ February 1st,10:44] to do finish essay and application for UCF e-mail Mr. Burdett about my Ringling letter of recommendation eat breakfast do laundry pick mom up at 4 buy natalie something for her 18th go to st petersburg next week design things!! start exercising figure things out with john work work work i hope february turns out better than january. too bad i dont have a valentine :(

[ January 23rd,9:36] im not even joking when i say this...... karl kuehn stole my boyfriend.

fuck yes! [ January 23rd,3:10] finally something decent has happen. i got a job at anthropologie. full time, 10 bucks an hour; i am so excited. i got the adobe suite on my computer. and its awesome! i suck at this whole breaking up thing. how are you suppose to be okay with not seeing a person that youve spent the last year and a half with?! there are very few memories that dont include him. not to mention hes as unhappy as i am. he just feels like this "has to happen". i keep telling myself that if its meant to be it'll be, but what do i do until then? i dont know if i should just cut him out entirely in order to move on, or if i should keep our relationship semi-friendly that way all ties arent severed. god, this is the worst. boys suck!

[ January 20th,9:21] john and i broke up. i feel like i'm going to throw up. my heart is in pieces.

[ January 17th,9:40] life is retarded.

favs of 2007 [ January 3rd,12:15] a little late, but whatev. top ten movies: into the wild atonement across the universe transformers american gangster charlie wilson's war the darjeeling limited sweeny todd juno knocked up movies i want to see: there will be blood lars and the real girl wristcutters, a love story i'm not there the kite runner dan in real life the diving bell and the butterfly walk hard national treasure 2 once no country for old men

[ January 2nd,12:00] i'm officially not going back to usf. i'm staying in naples and working until next fall. by then ill have either gotten into ringling, or ill be going to UCF as a second resort. things have been really strange. i dont like all this uncertainty. i dont have a real room which sucks. i'm working on making the space i do have more my own, though. john leaves in a month to go on tour with fake problems. with so many changes my feelings have been all over the place. i keep getting super insecure, but right now i'm good. only time will tell... my new years was really fun. 2007 was a weird year, im glad its over. i hope 2008 is filled with less stress. having a boyfriend and heading off on my own for the first time made things hectic....to say the least. my 2007 polaroid album is just about done. i have a few more pictures to add, and then ill have an entire year documented. job hunting tomorrow, and the rest of the week is pretty blank. i might sigh up for some art classes, look for an internship, and/or check out classes at fgcu, but getting a job is my main goal.

[ December 24th,2:11] saturday was the perry's christmas party, and it was a ton of fun. there were over a hundred people there and at one point a good amount of those people were packed into the garage. it was intense. christmas is tomorrow. i cant wait! ive been hanging out with karl, dylan and john a lot. its been fun. this weekend we're going to the body exhibit. i miss lauren though...im in need of some major girl time! i dont want to go back to school. my mom actually told me that if i didnt want to go back i didnt have to. at first i was totally against coming back to naples but last night i thought about it, and it would be nice to just get a job and work a lot. i could save up a ton of money which would go towards traveling over the summer, or if i got into ringling it could help me pay for tuition.

[ December 21st,12:29] christmas is going to be good this year. im excited for tonight...movie extravaganza with lauren, marty and norman. should be fun. so many good movies came out today.

[ December 20th,12:55] i just finished my application eassy for ringling college. i wish someone was home so i could get feed back.

[ December 18th,10:30] i feel like im back at square one. applying to colleges all over again sucks. i'm going to try my luck at UCF and Ringling...anywhere but USF St. Petersburg. amanda offered to help me out with my portfolio for ringling, but at the moment i dont even have stuff to put in one. could polaroids be used? i really want to get in. ive got a lot of work ahead of me, but with my non-existent a social life at school designing 24/7 wont be bad. christmas is right around the corner and im pretty excited. ive spent far too much money this year. i really hope everyone enjoys their gifts...i get so anxious about that.

[ December 15th,2:34] This might be bad timing, Or maybe just wrong to say. It's just that my heart can't handle this much longer: waiting in the dark, waiting for a hint. My rib cage is swelling and breaking, because my heart is trying to break free. It's beating too hard. It's not healthy. Not knowing what to do will be the death of me. Or maybe trying to know will. Fuck it. This is me telling you bluntly that my heart hurts. I will always want you. -katie lord

[ December 10th,9:22] two finals down, two more to go. i cant wait to be home.

[ December 7th,4:25] "I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief." - Gerry Spence

[ December 5th,10:11] i cant wait to see john this weekend; im bursting at the seams. i need to write a 2000 word paper by friday, hopefully it wont be too difficult. i want all my finals to be over & done with. next wednesday isnt coming soon enough.

[ December 2nd,11:24] "I want to kiss you on the mouth and tell you I'm your biggest fan"

[ November 26th,3:51] im back in st. pete, and im actually glad. it was a ton of fun, but the cold weather gets annoying. john and i were in the car from 10am to 11pm yesterday. it was pretty shitty. i'm sick and my back kills. i started scanning my favorite polaroids from the trip. im going to post them on my myspace, but this is a project im working on, so i thought id post them here. ( project one )

[ November 24th,12:03] this trip has been super fun. the boys are down stairs recording again, and dylan is choking on his soda; "i hate drinking". ive taken over 50 polaroids and i love just about all of them. today was the first day its gotten really cold. i bought a nice coat, a carmel apple, and some white chocolate coverd marshmellows while we were in wilmington. i guess its where one tree hill is filmed. i'm stealing a ton of karls music right now. pizza time.

[ November 23rd,12:04] the spill canvas-2 motion city soundtrack-2 against me!-3 tegan & sara bright eyes ok go plain white t's saves the day senses fail hellogoodbye panic! at the disco my chemical romance the acadmy is... amor for sleep brand new meg & dia 3 doors down two gallants the format steel train the honorary title finger eleven northern state sherwood paulson mewithoutyou say anything death cab for cutie stars frank turner slugs revenge o! pioneers!!! fake problems- mult. times film with color-mult. times vega under fire-mult. times wedding party-2 look mexico-2 i'm really bored. the boys are downstairs recording, so i decided to take the time to figure out a good amount of the bands ive seen over the years. i thought about making this private, but i dont think a lot of people read my entries, so who cares.

[ November 21st,10:27] im in southport, hanging out with john and karl. savahanna was awesome, got some cool new tee's. its not as cold as i thought it would be, which sticks. feels super nice to be out of the state of fl, though. hmm...thanksgiving is tomorrow. john bought be two fucking rad things today. im blank, farewell.

[ November 18th,9:01] so lately i watch the discovery health channel a ton. i was watching it today and there were all these shows about parents and their sets of multiples (twins, triplets etc). most of the mothers couldnt have children on their own so they went to their doctor for help. with the help of their doctors/science they were able to become pregnant (often times with 4, 5, or 6 kids at once). this lead to a very crazy home life and the whole reason theyre on tv. what this whole post is actually about is the fact that near the end of each show the moms would be talking about how "living like this is hectic and really hard, but it was Gods plan, and if he thinks i can handle it then i wouldnt want it any other way". my issue..... IT WASNT GOD'S PLAN! GOD'S "PLAN" WAS FOR YOU TO NOT HAVE KIDS, AND THEN YOU SAID FUCK YOU GOD I WANT KIDS IM GOING TO GET THE SCIENTIST TO PUT NEW EGGS IN ME.

[ November 17th,1:06] i hate to be like this, since every girl in the entire world seems to know about nylon now, but holy shit the dec/jan issue with mary-kate olsen looks fucking amazing.

[ November 16th,11:08] god, the shins seriously make my life so much better. ive got to figure out if i'm going to see them in december. i really want to. work sucks. i got some of my paper done, and doug and cesar kept me company for a bit. i miss my boyfriend. seeing him for just one day was not cool. i cant wait to spend time with him and karl. after this shitty haircut (and at the request of mr. berna) i have officially decided to let my hair grow out. i miss my curly locks. ive said all of this before, but this time i plan to actually go through with it. i'm going to have a car soon, which is the coolest thing ever. i miss driving so much! i miss designing layouts and whatnot too. i dont do anything here. i just lay in bed and watch tv. all my creativity is gone. i want to think of a series to work on with my slr 680 as well. maybe ill start it in NC. ive got all these ideas, but no drive.

[ November 15th,4:40] yesterday turned out to be a great day. after a rough morning, and an awful math test, things started looking up when john and colton arrived. we went to daddy kool, got to meet tegan & sara, and hung out around the dorm until it was time to go to jannus. we all got front row, and lauren and i jammed out the whole time. it was awesome getting to be there with her and john. marty was a nice addition as well. this weekend is going to be pretty lame. ive got to write a paper and i'm working a ton. cant wait for tuesday to be here....north carolina with john is going to be rad.

[ November 13th,5:51] ugh, my hair is so annoying. grow, damnit. i cant wait for tegan & sara tomorrow. i get to see john, lauren and everyone else!

stole from katie [ November 13th,2:18] Whatever it is you think you are, you aren't: a good friend, unique, well read, good looking, or smart. Well, now you know. Well, I hate to be the one to bare such bad news. I know it hurts to hear, but it's true; You don't mean anything to anyone but me, and even I think that you're blinded by conceit. So now you know. Free beer and basement shows don't mean you've made it. It's what you do, not who you were, what you wear, where you've been. So do something. Whoever you think is watching you dance from across the room, they aren't. If anything, they feel sorry for you because you try so hard. I know it hurts to hear, but it's the truth. So you might as well hear it from a friend. You're a has-been that never was. And I know it's mean to say, but it's something I've been meaning to say to you for a while. You're a has-been that never was, or will be.

[ November 11th,12:41] the shins make everything better.

[ November 10th,8:59] http://www.day-lab.com http://mymy.us

[ November 9th,9:07] i'm down stairs working and it's cold. every time the door opens freezing air comes right at me. everyone is out doing something, so there is no one to talk. everyone has stupid codes on their myspace so its impossible for my pathetic self to lurk. i dont understand my math homework, so attempting it just frustrates me, and i have too many things going on in my head to concentrate on a book. in other words, for the next two hours and 49 minutes i am screwed. today seemed to be going so well, too.

[ November 7th,11:54] i wish john and lauren lived up here.

[ November 7th,2:13] its funny to me how so many people up here claim to have strong morals, and be firm believers in god, but when it comes down to it they slut themselves around, treat people like dirt, and drink like theres no end.

[ November 5th,10:36] i love the time change. getting an extra hour of sleep is definitely awesome. went home again this weekend. it was pretty fun. lots of things are changing, and i got put right in the middle of it all. i'm disappointed in some, and worried about others. i'm gonna get my hair cut sometime this week. this weekend i'll be in st pere, which is nice. i need to make some money. not really anything else to say. class soon.

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